It’s often interesting how end results come about because of a series of situations having taken place. This May tip is such an example:
• I received a request from a funeral home in the UK, asking for permission to use content from an article I wrote on Funeral Etiquette. I happily granted permission and thought their infographic was terrific so in return asked for their reprint permission to share in a newsletter… See the Funeral Etiquette Infographic here, by clicking on the top image to view them all in a larger format. (Also at: https://www.rhcfunerals.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Funeral-Etiquette-Infographic.jpg)
• This naturally led me to looking up my old article on Funeral Etiquette which I am also attaching as a reminder (Also at: https://www.advancedetiquette.com/2010/08/funeral-etiquette/)
• Then, in combination with this month being May, with the saying of “May Flowers” meaning Spring is in full bloom and the article I wrote on Flower Etiquette, (also at: https://www.advancedetiquette.com/2011/05/flower-etiquette/), Voila…it popped into my head to do an article on Flower Etiquette for Funerals for this May tip!
1. Make sure flowers will be well received. Not all cultures and families prefer flowers for the funeral or memorial service. Find out before you send. Also research which types of flowers and which colors will be best received. In Asian cultures, they will not appreciate red roses. White is the color of choice, followed by yellow.
2. Keep it simple. Do not send flowers that have lots of bright colors and extra attachments, such as balloons or small animal inserts, even for a child. Flowers are to convey comfort and a sweet fragrance to lift the spirits of those in the room.
3. Be culturally aware. Not all faiths and cultures observe the same practices. Make sure you know what is appropriate before sending any flowers. Here are a few examples:
o Catholic, Protestant Christian, and Buddhists accept flowers and arrangements.
o Never to include a cross or crucifix on flowers to Mormons.
o Buddhist and Asian cultures, and Greek Orthodox prefer white flowers.
o Jews prefer that flowers be sent to the home only, not to the funeral home, with the exception of some flowers from close friends and family, which may be displayed in the lobby of the synagogue.
o For Hindus, flowers are less common. They prefer garlands at the funeral.
o For Muslims, their preferences vary among Islamic religions. It is best to ask whether to donate to a favorite charity in lieu of sending flowers.
4. Leave it to the experts. Knowing what’s appropriate to send is not an easy task. Chose a florist who is knowledgeable about funeral and sympathy flowers. Tell the florist how well you knew deceased, if you are a relative, how close you were in your lineage; the ethnicity and culture of the deceased; and whether the deceased observed any specific religion or faith. Give the florist a price range you can handle.
5. There’s a difference between funeral versus sympathy flowers. Funeral flowers are meant to be displayed at the service. Sympathy flowers (arrangements or plants) are generally smaller in size and sent to the home or an office. When sending sympathy flowers the key is to send smaller bouquets or arrangements, so as not to disrupt the workplace.
6. Verify what will be appropriate for co-workers and business associates. Sending a small floral arrangement or plant to the person’s office on the day of their return can be a nice gesture to uplift their spirits. Just be sure to verify culturally it will be well received. Learn what will and will not be appropriate to send, as in the color and type of flowers. Again, consult your florist.
7. Enclose a note. This could be the most important part to sending flowers. If possible, visit a nearby florist to order your flowers, so you can send a handwritten note, versus having the florist write it for you.
8. When making a donation instead, send a note. These days, people from all faiths and cultures ask for a donation to a favorite charity of the deceased instead of flowers. In this instance, typically only the immediate and extended family provide flowers for the funeral, with all others encouraged to donate to the charity. Along with sending the donation, do send a handwritten note to the family to tell them what you’ve done and to offer your condolence. The charity may or may not provide this service in alerting families back when donations are received. Either way, they will appreciate hearing from you.
QUESTION: Do you know of other funeral flower etiquette tips from your culture or faith? Please share them here. There are many subtleties we all could learn.
Thanks for sharing these tips about sending flowers for a funeral. I like what you said about being culturally aware. The list you posted about what different faiths generally want in flowers is good information. Hopefully I won’t need this info again anytime soon, but I appreciate you sharing.
I didn’t realize there was a difference between funeral and sympathy flowers, so thank you for clarifying that for be. I like the idea of sending sympathy flowers a few days after the funeral to show that you are still thinking about the person and are aware of the hard time they are going through. thanks for all these great tips.
I find it very interesting to know that bright-colored flowers should not be sent to funerals. However, I think that there should be an exception to that rule if that color was the favorite color of the deceased. For example, last year there were a lot of pink flowers at my aunt’s funeral, because that was her favorite color.
Faylinn: There are exceptions to all guidelines. To me, such exceptions should be provided by the family members, not guests. Guests should stick to what’s culturally.
A handwritten note is a great idea for this kind of thing. I remember when my dad’s sister died, his business partners sent flowers to her funeral. It was a really great symbol of support, and the note made it much more personal as well. I hope to make my friends and family feel and equal amount of support when I send flowers to their loved ones’ funerals.
I like what you talked about with sending the right kind of flowers to a funeral in tip #1. It does depend on the region whether or not someone will like the flowers you send them. I had no idea Japanese people wouldn’t want to receive red roses! I think it’s just safer if you know the culture of where you are. I’ll have to remember this for when I need to send flowers to a funeral.
Thanks for the info. You’ve explained very well. Keep Posting,
James: Thanks for taking the time to share your kind words. If you would like to see more posts, please see http://www.AdvancedEtiquette.com/blog and sign up to receive them directly. New posts are released each month.
Thanks for pointing out that sympathy flowers are smaller in size than funeral flowers. My best friend's husband has passed away last night due to a car accident and I want to be there for her. I am hoping to find sympathy flowers on Monday that I can bring to lift her spirits up during this tough time.
Hailey: To clarify, when I say smaller in size, I don’t entirely mean the flowers themselves are smaller in size. It is smaller by size of the bouquet. My condolences to your best friend’s loss. All the Best!
I liked it when you shared that it is great to give out flowers as they convey comfort and a sweet fragrance to lift the spirits of those in the room. My friend just mentioned last night that her uncle just passed away due to a terminal illness. I will suggest to her hiring a reliable service to help manage the funeral and provide flowers for the occasion.
Taylor: Thank you for the post.
I agree about the smell of flowers is always refreshing and to always have assistance of any kind to handle arrangements for any kind of funeral/gathering. It can be overwhelming while also grieving.
Nice article very beautiful way to guide this purpose thanks for sharing.
I like your funeral tips. I need to get a cremation scheduled. My cousin just died.
Online, you can compare the price of different florist and then decide where to shop for it. Different types of price tags and description of flowers are given so that you can easily select and make a comparison.
That’s a good point that chose a florist who is knowledgeable about funeral and sympathy flowers. I want to consider having a flower holder included as part of the headstone so that you can leave a bouquet for your loved one. I’ll be sure to keep this great information in mind as we try to make a great headstone for my late grandmother.
Nice post! I love to read blogs.
Thank you for your suggestion to leave a note when sending flowers. I've been wanting to send some flowers to my neighbor since her husband just passed away. I'll be sure to go to our local florist and see if I can find a good arrangement to give to her with a heartfelt note from us.