Throughout any holiday period and year, family-style meals with large platters of food are often a fun style to enjoy at a dinner party. Follow these guidelines to navigate this with ease.
1. DO I PASS FOOD TO THE RIGHT OR LEFT WHEN I’M THE FIRST TO RECEIVE A PLATTER? At the beginning of a meal, pass all food counterclockwise to the right.
2. WHEN MAY I BEGIN EATING?
When dining with close family and friends, eat once everyone has received a small portion of the first dish. In formal settings, wait for the host to begin eating. If a family tradition involves saying a blessing, participate or remain silent. Say grace before the food is passed around at larger gatherings. If you prefer a private blessing, take a moment of silence before eating.
3. AT WHAT POINT MAY I ASK FOR SECONDS?
Generally, wait for the host to encourage seconds before requesting more food. If food is visible, ask for a specific item to be passed to you for seconds. Offer some to the dining companions on either side of you before serving yourself. If food is not visible, avoid making your host uncomfortable by having to refuse your request for seconds because there isn’t more food.
4. SOMEONE JUST ASKED ME TO PASS A PLATTER OF FOOD FOR SECONDS. DO I PASS IT THE SAME WAY I DID AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MEAL?
There is no need to worry about where to pass food during a meal; all directions are acceptable.
5. HOW DO I POLITELY REFUSE SOMETHING BEING PASSED?
It is considered polite to take a small bite of each food being passed unless you have a food allergy or specific dietary or religious restrictions. When uneasy about the menu, it is best to inform the host upon arrival, saying, “I just wanted you to know I am allergic to peanuts. If there is a dish with any, I will be passing on it. I’m sure there will be many other wonderful foods to eat.” By giving notice, the host will not be offended when you decline a particular dish.
A family-style meal should focus on the overall enjoyment of the celebration and spending time in good company. Neither the host nor the guest should place undue pressure on the food served.
6. IS IT ACCEPTABLE TO TAKE THE LAST PIECE OF FOOD, PARTICULARLY IF IT IS DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME, BEGGING ME TO TAKE IT?
Before you take the last piece of food on the table, it’s always best to offer it to your dining companions on either side of you. You could say, “Jane, Joe, this last piece of turkey looks extra tasty. Would either of you like some?” If they say yes, share the dish with them. If they say no, feel free to help yourself.
7. WHEN MAY I LEAVE THE TABLE AT THE END OF THE MEAL.
After the meal is finished, it’s common for guests to stay at the table to engage in after-dinner conversation. Observing your hosts for cues on when it’s appropriate to leave is essential. Unless you’re invited to see the host’s model train display, it’s customary for adults to remain until the senior members of the family or the guest of honor leaves. Younger guests may ask to be excused to enjoy their conversations and activities in a different room.
8. DO I HAVE TO WRITE A THANK YOU NOTE?
It’s always important for a guest to express their gratitude by writing a thank-you note. Your parents will be pleased to receive a simple letter thanking them for their hospitality, but going the extra mile and sending a hand-written thank-you note to your future in-laws will make a good impression. Preparing a family-style meal for special occasions requires much effort, so even a brief note showing appreciation will be highly valued. If you were invited to an event by someone who wasn’t the host, sending thank-you notes to both the host and the person who asked you is appropriate.
QUESTION: Do you have any other items to add to the list? We would love to hear from you.
Happy Dining!