The Grace of Civility and Why We Need It More than Ever

On July 21, 2024, the news of President Joe Biden not seeking re-election spread globally within minutes.

What struck me was the response of former President Barack Obama, in which he stated:

“Joe has reminded us of who we are at our best — a country committed to old-fashioned values like trust and honesty, kindness and hard work; a country that believes in democracy, rule of law, and accountability; a country that insists that everyone, no matter who they are, has a voice and deserves a chance at a better life.”

Please, be clear that my discussion of this news is not about politics. Instead, it is about the importance of civility and how we, as a country and as part of the global community, need to embrace traditional values such as respect, consideration, kindness, honesty, and doing our best. We can achieve this through good manners and etiquette.

The effect of incivility

Let me give you some examples. It hurts me (emotionally and mentally) to hear someone yelling at someone else (or me), calling the person names, and telling the person how crazy they are for not seeing their point of view. The yeller often continues without sharing definitive evidence to support their claims, disrespecting the other person’s views. Incivility leads nowhere, and we cannot continue behaving without any regard for others.

What we need to stop doing:

First, let’s take a pledge to never to do the following again: 

Tell people they are crazy if they don’t believe, act, and vote as you do

• Yell at people using expletives, obscenities, demeaning, and other cursing words
• Be mean-spirited by calling and labeling others with vicious, sexist names, slurs, and hateful labels
• Post unkind, nasty, malicious, cruel memes, epitaphs, and comments on social media and elsewhere
• Spread unsubstantiated propaganda, rumors, and comments heard in the news or that you saw online or read in publications
• Complain and accuse others without investigating the facts and underlying causes of the situation
• Think you are right and others are wrong by hurting someone’s feelings in the worst ways because you know their vulnerabilities
• As just announced on 24 July 2024, California is ranked No. 1 for road rage in the U.S., according to Forbes… Also at https://www.sacbee.com/news/california/article290374889.html
• Above all else, become so inflamed that you think about hurting (killing) people who disagree with you and whom you believe have hurt you somehow.

Seriously, we cannot go back in time to the old West, where the only way to settle a disagreement was to kill each other, which now includes road rage and global wars. Carrying a weapon and needing to use it in a civil society is unnecessary.

I dream of living in a place where everyone can learn to live in reasonable harmony despite any differences of any kind.

Positive changes we can make:

You might chuckle, but I believe that “What the world needs now is love sweet love,” as sung by DeShannon:  (Also at:  https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jackiedeshannon/whattheworldneedsnowislove.html

Most people I encounter admit to seeing the erosion of civility and manners worldwide. In recent years, it’s been getting worse. This happens because people have not been taught to communicate with each other appropriately and civilly. It is said that “It takes a village” to affect change. Reaching critical mass in civility is what it will take to turn our world back to a better time of peaceful living. 

In our newsletters and all our training programs for all ages, I offer lessons about the key fundamentals of living a happy and meaningful life, regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, religious beliefs, socio-economic status, and chosen lifestyle.

What your parents, grandparents, and grade school teachers tried to drum into your ear and brain cannot be thought of in the same way. Etiquette evolves from country to country and throughout time. Kids today are learning computer skills by the time they enter kindergarten. And, for the rest of us, we are learning these same skills in any way we can get them. Consider etiquette training as just another course we all must take, at any age, to live a meaningful and happy life in today’s diverse and ever-growing global economy. 

President Obama also said, “Change is never easy, yet always possible.” Another thing he said that resonates with me is, “Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” 

What to recognize about ourselves: 

The Dalai Lama said it best:
“Each one of us is a just visitor to this planet, a guest who will only stay for a limited time,” and “What greater folly could there be than to spend this short time alone, unhappy, or in conflict with our companions?

Far better, surely, to use our short time here to live a meaningful life enriched by our sense of connection with others and being of service to them.”

As I stated above, it takes a village to raise the level of civility in the U.S. By adhering to a few simple guidelines, you can help create a paradigm shift for all to enjoy. 

Cliff hanger! 

Stay tuned to next month’s Etiquette Tip of the Month to see Part 2 of this topic of getting back to civility, where I will share 8 tips on how you, I, and we can help change ourselves and the world around us toward living in a civil society.

Happy Practicing!