Have you ever borrowed an item and never returned it? Have you promised to send a potential client or friend something, and never followed through? Have you said you’d call someone to invite him or her to lunch, but you never do it?
Worst of all, have you ever borrowed money or promised to pay someone a referral fee and never paid the money?
In a recent seminar I attended, a discussion broke out where nearly everyone had experienced some sort of unfulfilled promise. They all agreed it was a terrible situation happening among not only adults, even youths and teens were equally affected.
When I thought about this more deeply, I realized that both parties in these situations lose. The people who did not receive what was promised have sore feelings that will be forever remembered. These could lead to built-up negative feelings about the other person to the point where people vent through gossip, orally and even on social media.
For the people who did not fulfill their promise, their respect, reputation and level of integrity are diminished, if not lost. The longer the situation stays unresolved, the more possible that it can develop into loss of friendships and job promotions. Worst of all, the people can become the subject of malicious and exaggerated comments over time.
I’m bringing up this subject as a reminder to us all: We must make every effort to always fulfill our promises—small and large—and to only promise something when we truly intend to follow through.
Beginning this weekend, think about your unfulfilled promises:
- Make a list of all items you have ever borrowed. Locate them and return them. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had the item for years…better late than never in returning it.
- Do the same thing for the overdue sending of information, the money once borrowed, and the like. Get it together and do the right thing by getting that info and paying the person back.
Of course, when fulfilling the promise, enclose a nice handwritten note of apology for the delay and, in some instances, enclose a nice gift of appreciation.
Every fulfilled promise builds respect, integrity and reputation and shows others how trustworthy and honorable a person you are with the highest levels of integrity. Conversely, every unfilled promised equally adds to poor impressions and ultimately loss of friendships and business. Forever true in this digital age, the world—in an instant—knows all that is good and bad. We see all the highest praises and the greatest criticisms.
Actually, I rather like social media when it comes to business practices, as it is helping to build better businesses through comments shared on intolerance of poor behavior and lack of service. For anyone who serves customer and clients, now you see how extra crucial it is that all promises are kept and fulfilled. This is a major pet peeve most customers have of service providers.
And moving forward, pledge to never make new promises you know you’re not going to fulfill and keep and fulfill those you do make.
Question: What stories do you have to share about people you know who have not fulfilled their promise(s) to you? Here’s your chance to vent… no real names, please. Just share the story with perhaps fictitious names in the area below.
Happy Practicing!
Here are my own stories about this months’ tip:
1. Years ago before digital cameras, my boss asked me to pick up photos he had processed at Walgreen’s. I used my own money to pay about $12 and to this day he has never paid me back. I reminded him a couple of times, including the day I left being his assistant… and nothing came. Also, another time I lent him a video which he never returned. I thought we had a great working relationship and he was pleased with my work so the final blow was I asked him for a reference letter which he stated he would be happy to provide… three strikes and you are out!… which was and remains most disappointing.
2. A professional colleague once gave me a referral for which I happily paid a commission. Some time later, I reciprocated and was promised the same commission. I never received a check, in spite of seeing this person a couple of times later, stating the check would be in the mail soon. It’s obviously long forgotten in their mind by now, but not mine.
3. A person whom I have known for years, every time we would see each other would say, I want to invite you to lunch some time. My reply was always the same, just send me a few dates and I’d love to confirm one. I never get the email. Actually, I think one time we did get to a point of holding a round or two of emails where I even proposed a few dates. Alas, nothing was returned.
Case in point, most of these situations took place over ten years ago and I still remember them, waiting for the day they will be fulfilled… perhaps in my dreams!
1. I was close to a younger client who called me her mentor. Our relationship went on for a few years and I met her whole family. Once her book came out, she stopped returning my calls and seeing me. She kept saying she would reschedule but didn’t. It was very hurtful. A mutual friend suggested seeing her recently; and I told the friend that the client has blown me off and so I don’t want to go. I felt bad about involving the mutual friend. I haven’t heard from her since.
2. A former client used to send me a lot of referrals, but stopped. When I asked her about it, she wouldn’t answer. That was 2 years ago. She keeps contacting me as though there’s nothing wrong, but I am still angry about it. She wants to see me, she invites me to dinner, wants to go on walks, etc. How do I get her to stop?
Dear Dianne re: item, 2: My initial take on this is… If your former client continues to invite you to share time with her, it’s because she truly likes you and the lack of referrals in recent times may just be a sign of the times of “no referrals to give” and you are concerning yourself over something that may not exist.
That said, if you truly want to get her to stop inviting you, maybe: a) Ask her to stop inviting you, with the explanation… you most appreciative of the invitations, yet are terribly busy and aren’t into taking time for dinners or walks these days and because you know each other for a long time, to please allow you to contact her when you are more free (…which may or may not ever arrive); or b) Ask your client again directly, “(Name), is there a reason why I haven’t been receiving any referrals from you lately? You used to send them most often. Have I unknowingly offended you in some way which has caused this? Reality is, as kind as your invitations are to dinner and walks, I’ve hesitated to accept them because I am bothered by this question you’ve not answered. Until this is resolved—and please forgive me—I am uncomfortable sharing more time with you.” For me, as harsh as the above ideas are, I have always believed in honesty is the best policy, with kindness, respect, and consideration. Anyone else got any ideas to help with this? Good luck!