To begin the month of November each year, I hope you will join me to have fun celebrating the Mexican holiday of Día de Los Muertos.

Taco Jane Community Altar, San Anselmo CA

In the Mexican CultureEach year, the day to honor the dead is called Día de Los Muertos, Day of the Dead. It always takes place on the exact dates of the 1^st to pay respects to children and the 2^nd for adults. It’s a unique and festive celebration to pay tribute to all the ancestors and loved ones who have passed away. Please do not confuse or combine this with Halloween.  Each is separate and distinct observance.

On Día de Los Muertos, people believe this is the one day a year the passageway between the natural world and the spirit world opens so deceased loved ones can return to visit us. The days are filled with color, noise, food, dancing, and music. Click here (also at https://dayofthedead.holiday/) for a full description of this holiday and how to celebrate it. 

In the United StatesHistorically, the American tradition is to mourn the death of loved ones with funerals. Old-fashioned funerals had everyone wearing dark and solemn clothing. Then, each year after that, we would continue remembering that person in sorrow and sadness, either on the person’s birthdate or the day of the person’s death.  I’m glad that, in recent years, the trend is now—at least among everyone I know—to hold Celebrations of Life versus funerals.

Click here (Also at https://www.frazerconsultants.com/2016/07/a-history-of-funerals-in-the-united-states/ for insights on this practice.

In the Chinese CultureLike the Mexican culture, the Chinese established one day a year to honor their elders, based on the lunar calendar, with the actual date typically in April.

Being born and raised in San Francisco Chinatown, I remember this day well, Qingming Day. On this day, our family, plus all other Chinese families, took a trip to visit our deceased relatives at the cemetery. We used this time to clean the tombstone and sweep the grave site. Then we decorated the area with fruits and flowers. We burned incense and paper in the shapes of clothing, money, and other items the elders could enjoy in their afterlife for health and well-being. I was taught to kneel and bow three times in front of the tombstone as a child. Doing so showed gratitude and appreciation, signifying respectful tributes in recognition that I wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for them.

My siblings and I continue this tradition today, although not on Qingming Day. We honor the death of our parents, our maternal and fraternal grandparents, and my brother and cousins in August, the month our parents were married. We perform the same traditions of cleaning the tombstone, laying flowers, and silently sharing a few thoughts. After the visit, we enjoy dinner together.

Click here (also at https://www.yourchineseastrology.com/holidays/qingming-festival/) to learn more about this special day in Chinese culture.

My New TraditionIn case you wonder why I am choosing to add Día de Los Muertos to my list of days to celebrate—alongside Chinese New Year, St. Patrick’s Day, my birthday, and other fun celebrations—it’s because on October 31, 2021, my beloved husband of 31 years, Ronald Francis Hildebrand, passed away.

My New TraditionIn case you wonder why I am choosing to add Día de Los Muertos to my list of days to celebrate—alongside Chinese New Year, St. Patrick’s Day, my birthday, and other fun celebrations—it’s because on October 31, 2021, my beloved husband of 31 years, Ronald Francis Hildebrand, passed away.

Since I have never been much into celebrating Halloween, nor am I a person who enjoys being somber or sorrowful about a person’s death, I choose to enjoy this Mexican tradition to honor Ron’s passing each year. I invite you to consider similarly honoring the dead in your family and other friends.

Here are a few tips to consider:

1. Do not think you must be Mexican to celebrate Día de Los Muertos. It’s a festive and fun tradition for everyone to honor their family and friends who have passed away.
2. Click here (also at https://dayofthedead.holiday/) to view ideas on how you can join in the celebration.
3. Start an ongoing document or file (by paper or electronically) to list all the names of people who have passed away that you want to remember on this day each year.
4. If you are not inclined to party, take time during these two days to have a moment of silence to honor each name on your list with good feelings, thoughts, and memories.
5. Without exception, intentionally think of the person with only good and fond memories, thus building a habit of eliminating all hurtful, unhappy, negative thoughts and feelings from your mind.
6. Reliving over and over items of unpleasantness from the past will never do any good, nor will it bring about any happiness in the present and future. Adopt this annual tradition as the opportunity to have new and conscious intentions to let go of all hurt and negativity from the past.  
7. Life is—and should be—all about happiness through remaining positive about “everything” that happens in our daily lives.  We must let go of all sadness and negativity, mainly when it’s associated with the dead. Let’s face it, the other person is gone, and I’m the only person perpetuating the unpleasant past upon myself.
8. Instead, join me in choosing to live each day to the fullest, filling every moment of the day with only the most beautiful, positive thoughts and habits. It’s the only way I know and want to live. Please join me!

Happy Practicing!