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The first day of spring is near, also known as the spring equinox. I think March 20, 2023, is the right time to do some spring etiquette cleaning by setting goals.

Lately, I’ve thought that today, we don’t have enough role models to emulate good and proper thinking and behavior. In modern society, television shows teach us right from wrong, right thinking, and appropriate behavior. Who oversees that today?

You. The American Heritage Dictionary of English Language defines a role model as “A person who serves as a model in a particular behavioral or social role for another person to emulate.  A person who serves as an example, whose behavior is emulated by others.”

The answer lies in each of us. We must adopt the belief and hold this to heart:

“If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me.”
— Tom Dreeson

Here’s my spring challenge:
Choose one or two items below to pledge to work on. And then set your goals. I have suggested possible goals to become a role model in Number 7, but you are free to choose your own.

The goal is to regularly and consistently display your new habit from now on. Here’s the list:

1.  Begin with the right perspectives in mind:

“The art of changing yourself requires substituting new habits for old ones.
You mold your character and your future through your thoughts and acts.
You cannot climb uphill by thinking downhill thoughts.
You must change your mind to change your world.
Make yourself do what needs to be done.
Man alone, of all the earth’s creatures, you are the architect of your own destiny.”
                                                  — Wilferd A. Peterson in The Art of Living

2.  Start today!  
Studies show:

• You have 5 seconds to make a first impression (great, good, or bad)
• People forget 66% of a message in 24 hours
• It takes 8 days of constant reminding for us to retain 90% of a message in 30 days. Most people fizz out within 8 days
• You must practice a new skill for 21 days to start a pattern
• It will take 100 days of practice for this new thinking to become automatic for the rest of your life!

3.  Choose only one or two items to achieve. Choosing more items will dilute the focus.
Don’t choose an item that’s too hard for you, or you think it might be a chore. It’s no
 different than when starting a new exercise program. You want to start with easily achievable tasks to build muscles… in this instance, your etiquette muscles. 

Keep in mind, at its core and heart, what etiquette and good manners are truly about:

“Etiquette isn’t about memorizing a bunch of dos and don’ts;
it’s how person’s lives touch one another."  
To the point:
"Whenever two people come together, and their behavior affects one another,
you have etiquette.”  — Emily Post

4. Write it down. When goals exist only in your mind, you are likely to forget them. When in writing, they are easier to remember and remind you of your intention to succeed.

Write several sticky notes with your one or two goals on them. Place them at home, in the office, and in the car. Place them on your refrigerator and bulletin board, bedroom and bathroom mirror, desk, bedframe, and nightstand to see each morning.  These are your reminders to practice the goal to become a new habit.   

Doing this task is not optional. When you want to achieve something as great as a new habit, it’s worth shouting it to the world!

5.  Practice.  Practicing a new skill until it becomes a habit is the name of every skill. What separates doers and achievers from those who dismiss the practicing will be able to improve and grow.

So what will it take for you to take on this challenge? I have three excuses for not setting goals: 1) I’m lazy; 2) I lack the right attitude or complete understanding of achieving the goal; and 3) I don’t have reasonable control over my disruptions and distractions.

Laziness often occurs when there is no sense of urgency and idea that there is no sense of need. You might think: “Why do today what I can put off until tomorrow?” Or, “If it ain’t broken, why bother fixing it?”

The need for know-how signals that you need help to gain the right tools and skills to accomplish the goal. In this specific instance, contact me; I’ll gladly assist.

The lack of self-control and discipline is undoubtedly the hardest. It’s something I am still working on myself.  Yet, I am still learning and practicing. Whenever I get derailed, I get back on track to try again. I know I must never give up until I accomplish the goal! 

As to having the right attitude, I rely on this system to keep me focused on changing my life for the better, forever!

Success or failure is caused more by mental attitude than by mental capacity.
—  Sir Walter Scott
So…
“Change your attitude!
When you change your attitude, you change your behavior
When you change your behavior, you change your performance
When you change your performance, you change your life!”
Walter Doyle Staples in Performance:
Your Guide to Personal & Professional Excellence

6.  Stay positive.
Find creative ways to remind yourself of what needs to be done. In addition to the sticky notes, make notes in your calendar or on the computer by creating a new desktop image that pops up each time your computer turns on. 
 
One of my two new habits is to take less than 60 seconds when I first wake up, before I get out of bed, to ask myself these three questions. I want these questions to help frame the day I want to have in alignment with the overall goals I want to achieve:

When it comes to my thoughts, what word, words, or phrase will keep my thoughts centered in support of my day?

When it comes to my feelings, what word, words, or phrase will keep my feelings positive and in support of my day?

When it comes to my actions and behaviors, what action will keep my behaviors centered in support of my day? 

These daily mantras are designed to reduce stress and conflict and eliminate procrastination to reduce slower progress. They help create energy each day by being congruent and on the same page with my goals. 

7.  Become your own new role model. We need role models and self-clean-ups regularly. This spring challenge is about making one or two small etiquette clean-ups that will become big habits to last a lifetime.  Here are three possible goals that work for me: 

No more negative thoughts.  Whenever I hear anything negative to my core beliefs, I either turn off from hearing more or analyze it to reverse my thinking toward something positive and open actively. Why? In so doing, I create a happier, healthier, and more inclusive life forever!

No more being in a funk. Whenever I have despair, unhappiness, hopelessness, and depression, I will envision my goal and how great it will be once I achieve it. Why? It is crucial to move on from these feelings so you can succeed.

No more bad habits.  Whenever I display a bad habit (like putting my elbows on the table), I remind myself of my goal and physically correct my actions.  Why? By replacing a bad habit with the right one, in just 100 days, you will eliminate it and replace it with the new one for life! Other quick ideas:

Practice making yourself say Please and Thank-You with every request.  When it’s forgotten, immediately rephrase, and repeat it.

Practicing sharing cordial greetings at the start of every interaction, meeting, email, and encounter. End each communication and day with a friendly goodbye, good night, warm regards, and thank you.  

Send one handwritten note weekly to someone you know (a friend, client, family, etc.). It need not be a long note.  Just one sentence will show you thought of the person to say Hello.

8.  Building Habits.  Personal and professional development must be constant and never-ending as the best path to success, albeit as it is said: 

“The road to success is always under construction and never finished.”
--- Lily Tomlin

Everything in life is a choice. Let’s make the right ones. We must live a life of goodness and kindness in all we do and say.

“Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your DESTINY.”
— Author Unknown

P.S.  I’m happy to share my blueprint for achieving my spring cleaning, but the only way to get it is to ask by sending me an email here:  Info@advancedetiquette.com, Subject: Syndi’s spring blueprint, please.  That’s all you need to say.

P.P.S.  If you observe the Christian season of Lent and haven’t chosen an item to sacrifice until Easter, on April 9, why not give up a bad habit---versus giving up chocolate or alcohol---to substitute it with a good habit?  

P.P.P.S. Final thought, enjoy celebrating yet another New Year, called Norouz, the Persian/Iran New Year, on and around 20 March, depending on when the sun rises on that date where you live.   

Final thought, we all understand…

“Old habits are hard to die, especially if you like them.”
--- Confucius

Happy Practicing!